


Time Gone Past (RAFAEL BARBA)

by RockWithItWriting



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-07-26 01:57:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7555660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockWithItWriting/pseuds/RockWithItWriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rafael Barba was the boy who made it out of el barrio intact, turning into a man at Harvard Law without the girl who would turn into a woman on the streets. Then, years later, his childhood friend is unrecognizable under the ink on her skin and the four years in federal prison on her back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1.

My apartment wasn’t any better than prison. All I could afford was four walls, barely a bathroom in the corner, and a mattress. I had no money to my name, no family. I was alone.

It didn’t help that I was working the same job I had been working in prison, too. Janitor at the precinct I lived down the street from- because every excon wants to work in a place filled with police. It didn’t make me nervous or anything, no, never.

Nor did seeing my sister everyday, knowing that she didn’t know about me.

But the worst part was trying to be invisible. As a woman with a body covered in tattoos and an ex convict all of the cops, especially the detectives, kept their eye on me. Like I was going to steal from cops, or try and peddle drugs to cops. (That wasn’t what I went to prison for, though, so I didn’t see why they were worried.)

I was thinking about all of that, shaking, going through hot flashes as I tried to hide it, when one of the detectives tapped me on the shoulder. I spun, faster than I should have. “What?” I bit out harshly, trying to look intimidating to the tall, blond man with coiffed back hair.

“Uh,” He said, eyebrows raising at my animosity, “I just wanted to tell you that we need this conference room in a little bit.” I almost, key word, almost felt bad for the way he was looking at me but then I remembered who he was seeing, what he must have thought of me.

“Right,” I nodded, hands tightening around the broom I was holding, “I’ll be out of here in a few minutes, sir,” I turned, the janitors uniform feeling much too like what I had to wear when I was inside. The man gripped my shoulders again, spinning me quickly and I pushed back, dropping the broom in my attempt to get away from his grip.

“I’m sorry-” The man tried to say, holding his hands up, no doubt frightened by the look on my face.

“It’s my fault, sir. I apologize.” How was I going to explain that my reaction came from CO’s grabbing me with the intention of something vulgar? I wasn’t. I put my head down, picked up my broom and dustpan and hustled out of the room, pusle still jumping.

Of course, I had the worst luck. As I rushed out of the conference room my body collided with someone else’s and I jerked back, cursing under my breath.

“Fuck,” I held my shoulder where it was burning, “Jesus. I’m sorry, sir.” Force of habit because I saw the shiny shoes, too expensive for a Detective like the man in the room behind me. I looked up at the man and tried to breathe past the recognition I felt.

“No need to call me sir. Counsellor will work just fine.” He smirked, and it took my breath away. I stared at him, hand still clutched over my shoulder, shrugging back into the wall like a wounded animal.

“Yes, Counsellor,” I made myself say, picking up my broom and dustpan. I hurried around him, eyes glued to the floor. I threw my equipment in the closet before taking off the janitorial jumpsuit, letting my body breath in the tank top and cargo shorts I was wearing. I shut the door, staring at the wood while I tried to calm my breathing.

He shouldn’t have been there… He was supposed to be in Brooklyn, I made sure of it. I made sure of it before I took that job…

I had to get out. I felt trapped, caged, and I had enough of that in the four years prior that I spent in prison. I threw open the door and ran into someone else, their hands catching me by the biceps. I jerked away again, not even saying sorry, barely looking at her face. It was my sister, but I didn’t say anything as I zeroed in on the stairwell.

I jumped up the stairs and found the floor until I found HR, where I slammed into the front desk, slamming my ID badge down onto the wood. “I quit. Right now. Thanks for employing me.” And without another word I was gone. The journey to the street was a blur and when I finally made it, to the semi-fresh air and bustling of traffic the anxiety welling in my chest was starting to go down. People were complaining that I was taking up the sidewalk, giving me dirty side-eye as the saw my artificial black hair, the tattoos from my neck to my feet.

I didn’t care. I made my way back to my shitty apartment that I had no way to pay for and wondered how easy it would be to score. I knew a couple of girls who had gotten out before me that probably went back to dealing and I knew some of my former roommate’s old men dealt to keep their commissary paid for…

I shook off that thought and made my way onto the subway, keeping my bitch face impassive so nobody messed with me. Not like I had anything for them to steal except my boots and the hair ties on my wrist. The subway gave me time to think, time to decompress from the stress boiling in my gut.


	2. 2.

I ended up heading to one of my girl’s house to score, black hoodie pulled tight around me, hood over my hair. I dug my hands into my pockets and tried to disappear into the crowd before I dipped over to ring the buzzer for Elyria’s apartment. She buzzed me up because I called her beforehand and I slipped in unnoticed by anyone on the street.

I walked into her apartment without knocking, grinning when I saw the girl sitting on the couch in nothing but a wife beater and panties with a joint in her mouth. “Raz,” She breathed out, smoke billowing into the air, “Nice to see you. Want a puff?” She held out the joint, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

I shut the door behind me, shaking my head. “Naw, you know why I’m here. It’s nice to see you on the outside.” She pinched the lit end of the joint to put it out before standing, coming over and giving me a hug. I patted her back and she gestured loosely to follow her.

“I got what you want in the back.” I followed her, wondering why she was so flippant about me using when she beat me for using on the inside, but I also didn’t care. I needed a fix, and Elyria was the best place to get it. “Don’t mind Tony. He’s having some fun, if you know what I mean.” I scoffed and nodded, following her into a bedroom. I put my hood down as she flipped on the light, looking around.

I found Tony on the bed, but bile rose in my throat. “What the fuck.” It wasn’t a question as I stopped dead in my tracks, anger rising in me. “Elyria, what the fuck.” She turned to me and then looked to Tony, who was unabashedly fondling a girl. Not a woman, like Elyria and I, but a girl. She was no younger than eleven, but no older than thirteen, still in a training bra.

“What? I told you he was having some fun.” I looked over at her, eyebrows furrowed, drugs forgotten.

“What the fuck, Lyr?” She looked over at Tony, whose attention had been drawn to us, “You’re letting him rape some girl?”

Elyria scoffed, riffling through her sock drawer for what I came for, “Listen, she’s knocked out. Won’t even remember it.” I shook my head, blown away from how much she had changed in the time she had been out.

“You fucker,” I spat, “I’m calling the cops.” Both of their heads whipped toward me, anger blossoming on their cheeks.

“You call the cops and I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you,” Tony pulled a knife out of his jean shorts and I unzipped my hoodie, watching the way Elyria moved for a gun in my peripherals. She was a shitty aim, I knew that much, so I wasn’t worried about it. Plus, if she shot, she’d get someone to call the damn cops.

“Come at me, you shitbag,” I snarled, pushing my sleeves up to ready myself for a fight. Tony was skinny, too much meth and not enough food. I wasn’t worried. Plus, he didn’t have the training I had, or the experience in prison brawls that I had. I was more worried about what Elyria would do to me after the cops left, or who she would send to put a hit on me for putting her old man behind bars.

Tony growled and rushed me, brandishing the knife but I sidestepped, grasping his wrist as I twisted it just enough to send pain shooting up his arm, his hand unfurling.

I managed to kick the knife backward, under the bed, before he landed a solid punch in my gut. I bent over, but only to send a quick hit to his knee cap- which I knew was weak and would hurt thanks to sharing a cell block with Elyria or four years.

Tony crumbled and I brought my knee up into his mouth before a gunshot sounded and my neck exploded in pain. I spun, crying out, as I slapped two hands over the side of my neck. Elyria had barely missed, grazing the left side of my neck rather deeply but when I looked at her, she was shaking. Her eyes were glazed and the gun was nearly shaking out of her hands.

I rushed her, hoping she wouldn’t get off another round and she didn’t. Elyria took one punch to the face and her eyes rolled back as she passed out. I thought I was good so I reached for the phone, to call the police, but then a hand clamped down on my shoulder, spinning me directly into a punch.

My head jerked back and I clasped one hand around Tony’s wrist, trying to pry him off as his other hand wound around my neck. “You stupid bitch,” He spat, all foul breath and no teeth, “I’m gonna kill you, and then I’m gonna kill this whore.” He spat the word and I snarled at him, spitting in his face.

Tony backhanded me and I collapsed onto Elyria, scrambling to get back up but Tony had the gun and he was pointing it to the bed with a disgusting grin. “Tony, don’t.” I tried to push myself up but he cocked the gun, turning his hand sideways as he looked down on me.

“Stay down, or I’ll kill her.”

“You’re going to kill her anyway,” I said, “So what the fuck does it matter if I move?” He smirked.

“You’re right,” And then he fired. I screamed and launched myself up, one swift punch to the face paired with a kick to the balls enough to get him to drop the gun. I kicked it under the bed with the knife before turning and using my momentum to land another blow to Tony’s face. I had seen the girl, bullet hole in her head, and it fueled my anger.

Tony backed away, heading toward the door, but I didn’t let him. I grabbed the back of his shirt collar, wrapping an arm around his throat to take him to the ground. Once I got him there, I couldn’t hold myself back. It was like I was thirty two again, outside my childhood home. I kept hitting, until my knuckles split, until my arms ached.

Until the police officer tackled me off of Tony, who was groaning and screaming about how I was a bitch. “He raped her,” I spluttered, “And then he killed her. They tried killing me!” The officer pushed me over onto my stomach, pulling my arms behind me harshly.

“Shut up, Collins,” He spat, “This is the second time you’ve beaten somebody. You’re going away this time.” I twisted my head to see my arresting officer from my first offence.

“Officer Thomas, I didn’t fucking do it!” I shouted, “Fuck, I want Olivia Benson. Detective Olivia Benson, with SVU. I want her here. It’s a sex crime, anyways. You’ll find out the truth.” Officer Thomas heaved me to my feet, eying the bullet graze on my neck. He jerked me toward the doorway, reading me my rights in a monotone voice.

I complained the whole way through the house, until he shoved me to my knees in the hallway. “Sit here, Collins, until your precious SVU squad gets here.” I turned and sat against the wall, looking up at him.

“What, I don’t get medical attention?”

“We take care of law abiding civilians before convicts,” He spat at me, looking disgusted. I looked around at the other officers, confused.

“They’re selling drugs out of their apartment, he’s twiddling little kids and Elyria tried to shoot me! How fucking law abiding can they be?” He left me without an answer and I shifted, trying to release the tension on my shoulders. The officer left with me, standing stoically, didn’t answer, either. I heard Officer Thomas through his radio, though, confirming what I had told him about the sexual assault.

I scoffed, knowing I wasn’t going back away but there was still fear in my heart. I wouldn’t be able to go back. I would die on the inside, either from stress or from pissing people off.

Or from both.

Too much time passed before Officer Thomas came out of the apartment to show the Detectives the way up to the scene. I saw Olivia first, and then behind her were the two men I had run into the morning prior. Officer Thomas spoke to them lowly, motioning to me, and I watched the tall blond raise his eyebrows in recognition. The other man, however, did not. He was too focused on the blood trickling down the front of my white tank-top, coating my skin; or, maybe, he was trying to figure out where he recognized me from.

Olivia looked livid.

“You’re treating her like a suspect when you have the man who raped a girl in a bus downstairs?” She asked loudly, “How does that work, Officer Thomas?”

He smirked, “Well, Collins is a violent, repeat offender. This will have been the second time she’s beat a man. The first time she hasn’t killed him.” I tilted my head back and leaned it against the wall, closing my eyes. I was done for because they would believe him, ask him why I wasn’t in prison. They would look at my tattoos and think I was apart of whatever sick fucking scheme Tony had going.

I just wanted drugs, for crying out loud.

A hand settled on my knee and my eyes shot open, gazing into Olivia’s. “My name is Detective Benson. You asked for me by name. Have I helped you before, given you my card?” I shook my head.

“Your partner, Elliot Stabler, helped my sister once. He came to visit us before he left SVU and told us if we needed anything to go to Olivia Benson, because you weren’t going to quit anytime soon.” She recoiled, looking surprised, “You have to believe me. I came to… Visit Elyria and we went into the bedroom and he was,” I looked to the side, but Olivia raised a hand.

“Okay. I’m going to have Detective Caris take you and Counsellor Barba back to the precinct and we’re going to get you cleaned up and get your statement, okay?” I nodded and clenched my jaw as Officer Thomas jerked my to my feet, only to be reprimanded by Olivia as mistreating a witness. I didn’t want to be near Rafael, but I also wanted to be as close to him as possible.

I relaxed visibly when she didn’t say suspect and Detective Carisi took my arm, unlocking the cuffs. I took my arms away from him quickly, rubbing my wrists and shooting a smirk at Officer Thomas as Detective Carisi led me to Rafael Barba.

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance and not have you run away,” Rafael extended a hand but I withheld mine.

“Apologies, sir,” I showed my knuckles, “I wouldn’t want to bloody you.” His eyebrows shot up at the sight of my bruising, bleeding knuckles and I wiped them off on my jeans before we began making our way down the hall.

“Please,” He said smoothly, “Call me either Rafael or Barba.” I ducked my head, nodding.

“I’m Ryleigh Collins. Call me Raz if it suits your fancy.” Detective Carisi, who had been walking silently along my other side, grinned.

“I’m Detective Dominick Carisi Jr., but most people call me Sonny.” Rafael gave Sonny the hardest side-eye I had ever seen.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Carisi. Hardly anyone calls you Sonny outside your family.” I smirked and pushed through the door into the cold night. Sonny put a hand on my lower back and gestured to the back of a black sedan, nothing but the light sitting on the dash saying it’s a cop car. I climbed in, watching as Rafael and Sonny spoke momentarily outside the car before they nodded. Rafael climbed into the passenger seat and turned his head to the side to speak to me.

“We’re going to the hospital. Carisi is aware of his incompetence in the medical field.” He sounded smug and I automatically began to feel the cold bubble of resentment in my stomach.

It didn’t matter that he was blatantly Latino he embodied the people that stepped all over the people who lived where I had used to live. The rich, snobby type. The type that tore down apartment buildings to build fucking tailors. The type of people who donated to kids in Africa but not to the people starving on their own fucking street corners. The business men.

And it didn’t matter that we came from the same place, the same neighborhood, the same fucking block. He had become one of them, joined them. Become who he said he would never.

“Right,” I said, nodding. I looked away, then, watching as Sonny climbed into the car.

“I assume Barba has filled you in,” He grinned, reminding me vaguely of a golden retriever, “We’re going to the hospital to get the information we need from there. Things like blood alcohol limit, blood tests, patch you up.” I nodded, “And since I was Barba’s ride and we got sidetracked, he has to stay with us while we do that.”

“Yes,” Rafael droned, looking out the window as Sonny pulled out of his parking spot, “Because I’m thrilled to be in your enthralling presence, Carisi.”

“Right,” I finally spoke up, “Because you’re so fucking wonderful to be around with that attitude.” My eyes widened as I realized what exactly I had said and I looked toward the front of the car, where both men were looking at each other, only for a moment, shocked. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

In a moment Carisi was laughing, practically bent over the wheel, red faced from laughing. “Holy cow, Barba, she can give it back just as good as you can give it!”


	3. Revelations

I had almost forgotten what it had been like to be in a real hospital.

The nurses were nice, there weren’t guards with batons at the door and I wasn’t strip searched before and after I left. Sonny didn’t even enter the room with me and when I emerged with gauze over my neck and bandages on both of my hands for my knuckles, he and Rafael were engaged in a heated conversation in which I was probably being discussed.

“Detective Carisi?” I straightened my shoulders and nodded at him, “I’m ready to go now, sir.” He stood and loped over to me, Rafael rolling his eyes right behind him.

“You don’t have to call me sir, yahknow?” He grinned and gestured for me to lead the way, but he fell in step with me anyways. “You can call me Sonny.”

“Four years in federal prison taught me some respect for officers of any kind,” I said dryly, pushing out of the hospital, “Shame if I lost that barely two months out.”

I knew they stuttered in their steps, but I continued walking to the car. “You’re not going to run or anything, right?” Rafael chimed in, “Because I’ve already went on my daily run and Carisi’s too clumsy to think about chasing you.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’ve done enough running,” I said, “Plus I don’t run. I box.” I waited for Sonny to unlock the car, arms crossed, “Not to be rude, but could we rush this, please? It’s been a long day.” Rafael stopped dead in front of me, smirking down at me. I was bristled at the way he casually asked if I was going to run away, as if being an ex convict meant I was going to run.

“Es verdad,” He tested, “It’s true.” I narrowed my eyes and took a step back, uncomfortable with the way Rafael was glaring at me, wishing someone was there to help me. “Have you ever lived in the Bronx?”

And I panicked. And did what I did best. I lied. “I grew up in Washington Heights.” Rafael quirked an eyebrow and caught me in the lie, patting my bicep. “Of course, you know that’s not true. You know who I am.”

Just then, Detective Carisi came to my rescue, calling over the top of the car that he had finally gotten the keys untangled from his headphones and had gotten the car unlocked, allowing me to escape into the backseat while Rafael took his place in the passenger. I leaned back in my seat, gritting my teeth, and suddenly everything came crashing down on me. The weight on my back doubled and I itched all over, yearning for something I couldn’t name. It was something I could buy, something I could easily buy, but Tony had to go and fuck that up. He had to fuck it up and get me nearly arrested and sent me on my way to another police station with more officers and an ADA I thought I had left behind.

I sighed through my nose and sat back up, pushing my hair out of my face when Rafael spoke, “It’s been a long time, Rhyleigh,” He said, “Where have you been?” Silence wracked the car as I tried to figure out something to say, Sonny whipping around as he stopped at a red light.

“You two know each other?”

“Like I said before,” I ignored Sonny, “I’ve been in federal prison. Where’ve you been? Rubbing elbows with the richies, going to galas and sipping wine?” There’s sarcasm in my voice and I dread the thought of hearing his answer, “Got too good for me, I guess. Tried to call you when you went to Harvard.”

“Yeah, Mami told me I should cut ties with you. Like a fool, I listened.” I snorted and fiddled with the bandages on my knuckles, world spinning around me. I had half a mind to ask for them to stop somewhere, but I wasn’t dumb enough or sick enough to do drugs in front of a detective and an ADA. Maybe I could ask for methadone…

“Aye, your Mami still workin’ with them poor kids and shit?” I asked, “Think she could do me a favor?” Rafael craned his neck to look at me and then I turned my eyes to Sonny, “Yeah, we know each other. Or, we knew each other. I’m not sure I know who he is anymore.” Sonny looked worried for a brief moment but then Rafael laughed, really laughed, like I used to hear him laugh. It warmed me for a split second and I smiled, but then my stomach rolled and a headache burst through to my forehead and I closed my eyes.


End file.
